My peace of mind is not dependent on my bank account and other things I learned in 2020

Like a lot of people 2020 challenged much of my thinking. Here's some things I learned last year:

Nothing is in my control

Nothing is in my control. The year looked like it was pretty much sorted, then COVID came along and proved me wrong. The more I let go of thinking I am in control of my destiny, the more I found myself doing different, exciting and interesting things. Which leads on to:

My inner wisdom guides me even when I wonder what the heck it's doing

My inner wisdom guides me, even when I don’t know what the heck it’s doing. Early on in the year, I had no clue what to do, because everything that I would have normally been doing had become unnecessary. Instead, I followed the quiet whispers and ended up doing things that had not been on my radar before this year. (Like writing and publishing a book and helping other people to publish theirs.) I learned that I can take one step at a time, in the moment, without knowing why, or where it is leading and I will still be ok. When I look back I can see the path that led me to here. It looks nothing like the path I thought I was on and the destination is not one that I aimed for. My inner guide took care of things. 

Why is not always a helpful question

I also learned that “Why?” is not always that helpful a question. Or rather the question ‘Why is this happening?’  I realised that a lot of the time there is no logical answer to “Why?”. And it doesn’t matter. The more I let go of needing to know, the quicker I moved forward, the easier my life has got. I can see that knowing when that question is helpful to pursue and when it’s not is going to save me a lot of heartache in the future. 

My body can do more than my mind thinks it can

My body can do more than my mind thinks it can. I’ve always believed that I am not built to run, but this year I decided to challenge that thought and now I can run for 30 minutes non-stop, despite the fact that my mind tells me it’s impossible the whole time. It turns out that my mind has no clue about what is really possible and that proves itself to me every time I run. It makes me wonder what else I can do, that I previously thought impossible. 

My peace of mind is not dependent on the amount in my bank account

My peace of mind is not dependent on how much money I have in the bank or how much I am earning. In 2019 we had our best financial year ever, and it was a constant worry that I would not have enough money to pay bills etc. My worries always ended up with me in a dirty sleeping bag in a cold and wet shop doorway. This year, when I had practically no income, and very little money in the back, my worry disappeared. I’ve had my moments, but for the most part, worry has not been an issue and as a result I have been clear headed and calm a lot of the time. And when I’ve not:

My 'negative' emotions are not something to be afraid of

I have learned that my emotions are not something to be afraid of, in particular anger. The George Floyd incident last year, helped me to realise that anger is not a bad emotion, it tells me what’s important and what I need to stand up for. As I saw that, I saw how all other emotions are not the bad guy either. This has made me less afraid of my emotions, and more able to see their purpose. This has allowed me to enjoy the roller coaster that comes with being human. And if you want to know more about that you can read about my ups and downs, in glorious technicolor, in the book I published; Daily Yarns, Riding the Lockdown Roller Coaster of Emotions.